Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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