It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
