The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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