Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
