can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
