I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
