Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
