He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
