i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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