Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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