my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
