you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
