people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
