I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
