he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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