Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
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I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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