I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
