I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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