i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my being single is dangerous.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
