my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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