I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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