I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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