Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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