So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just had sex on a roof
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
