I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize