wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
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the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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