I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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