pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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