Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You need Xanax blowdarts
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
