I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
