dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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