The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
