just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize