I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
