the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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