Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
