Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
