is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize