I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
