gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
