Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
