Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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