new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Im part way to drunk.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
