Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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