I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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