Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
