i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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