his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
