An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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