I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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