if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
