You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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