why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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