What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
