I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
