Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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