Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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