id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
