Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
