I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize