You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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