Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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