please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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