The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
