I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
