Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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