So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
